You Spent Years Becoming This Woman

When Was the Last Time You Really Saw Yourself?

I don't mean catching a glimpse in the mirror while brushing your teeth or checking that your hair is behaving before heading out the door.

I mean really saw yourself.

When was the last time you stood in front of a mirror with absolutely nothing on and looked at yourself without immediately searching for the flaws?

The wrinkles.
The curves.
The scars.
The things that have changed.

And simply thought, "Well, there I am."

At 64, I think I am happier with myself than I was 15 years ago.

That may sound strange because society would have us believe confidence belongs to youth. But the truth is, for much of my life, I avoided really looking at myself.

A reflection in a store window while walking down the street? I would glance away.

A mirror? Only without my glasses on.

Who am I kidding? I still don't spend much time looking at myself in the mirror with my glasses on. Some habits die hard.

Recently, though, I did a photo session with my mentor and business coach, Cat Ford-Coates.

And I love, love, love the images she created.

I was excited to see them. Excited to share them. Excited to update my website and social media. Excited to show up as the woman I am today instead of relying on photographs that no longer reflect who I have become.

But what surprised me wasn't that Cat created beautiful photographs.

It was that I looked at them and thought,

"There I am."

Not a younger version of me.

Not the woman I used to be.

Not the woman I thought I should be.

Me.

And for the first time in a very long time, that felt like enough.

There is one portrait in particular that I am going to print so large that, when I am gone, my children will probably argue over who has enough wall space to hang it.

That might sound a little dramatic.

But here's what I realized.

Having current, authentic photographs of yourself matters.

If you own a business, people deserve to see the real you. Your website, your social media, your marketing—they should reflect who you are today, not who you were ten years ago.

If you work in a profession where trust matters, people connect with faces. They connect with authenticity. They connect with someone who is willing to be seen.

After spending more than 25 years behind a camera, I've learned something surprising.

The women who worry most about being photographed are almost never the women other people see as flawed.

They are the women who have forgotten how beautiful they are to everyone else.

I've watched women stand in front of my camera apologizing for their age, their weight, their wrinkles, their scars.

And then I've watched their husbands, children, friends, and sisters look at those same photographs with tears in their eyes because all they see is someone they love.

We are often the last people to see our own beauty.

The truth is, you spent years becoming this woman.

You survived things.

You learned things.

You loved people.

You lost people.

You built a life.

You earned every laugh line, every silver hair, every lesson written across your face.

Maybe it's time to stop hiding her from the camera.

There is another reason current photographs matter.

And it's one we don't talk about nearly enough.

One day, the people who love you will gather photos to celebrate your life.

I know that sounds a little gloomy.

But at 64, I am aware there are more days behind me than ahead of me. That isn't sad. It's simply true.

Over the years, I have attended funerals and celebrations of life where families have struggled to find good photographs of someone they loved. Sometimes the only images available are blurry snapshots, awkward family photos, or pictures that don't truly capture the person they were.

Don't do that to the people who love you.

Let them have photographs that tell the truth.

Photographs that show your laughter.

Your strength.

Your kindness.

Your spirit.

Photographs that say,

"This was me. I was here. I lived fully. I mattered."

The older I get, the more I believe portraits are not about vanity.

They are about visibility.

They are about allowing yourself to be seen exactly as you are.

So here's my question.

When was the last time you really saw yourself?

Not the version you're trying to improve.

Not the version you were twenty years ago.

Not the version you think everyone else expects.

Just you.

Because the truth is, the people who love you already see someone worth celebrating.

Maybe it's time you did too.